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What Can You Do If You Feel Lonely And Isolated

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Take your feelings seriously. Human contact is crucial. Don’t try to tell yourself it’s not important to have friends. If you want to be in love, don’t tell yourself that’s silly. It’s not.

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In fact, our social needs are more important and basic than our intellectual and creative needs. If you let your social life end when you quit school, pretty soon you won’t care much about learning and exploring the world. You’ll want to get right back to your locker, because Tatiana will be rummaging in her locker next to you. Psychologist Abraham Maslow pointed out that people have a hierarchy of needs. Each of us has to feel a sense of belonging, love, acceptance, and recognition, before we can set out to fulfill “higher” needs such as intellectual achievement and complete self-fulfillment.

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Don’t romanticize your memory of school. School does provide contact with masses of people. It does not make friends for you, or even provide an environment that is good for making friends. Everyone who goes to school, and everyone who doesn’t go to school, has times of overwhelming loneliness. Being in a crowd doesn’t necessarily help.

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Take responsibility for your own social life. Make an effort to stay in touch with former friends. If you aren’t invited enough, do some inviting. Throw a party. If you’re lonely, don’t blame the universe, me, or yourself. Instead, do something about it.

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Be sensitive to your friends’ feelings about your changing life. If they stay in school, they may watch you with envy. They may overly romanticize your life, or feel intimidated by your independence and growing maturity. Quitting school will make you smarter and happier than you used to be, but it will not make you superior to your friends. Don’t be arrogant; don’t think that unschooling makes you the most interesting creature in the universe.

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Involve your old and new friends in your most important activities. Don’t think of friendship as something that takes place only during French fries and mall shopping. Don’t settle for boring, predictable friendships. Challenge each other. Get a little more honest as time goes by.

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Go to school sometimes. Eat lunch there, be in the choir, be a teacher’s aide, go to assemblies. I know of a college student, majoring in sociology, who routinely eats in a high school cafeteria just to watch people interact in their high school ways. No one has ever noticed that she doesn’t belong. And you can always hang out at other school teenager hang-outs, if that’s your style. See your family in a new light. Cultivate your siblings and parents as friends. Free yourself of schoolish prejudices. Don’t cheat yourself out of potential friends because of the clothes they wear or the makeup they don’t wear. A shared sense of taste and style is a legitimate part of some of your friendships, but there’s no reason all your friends have to look like you, is there?

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The best solution of all: Get your friends out of school! Let the vision spread…

By: Francis David

Francis helps parents, administrators and teachers learn about Character Education and how the Just Do The Right Thing Program can help kids of all levels find success both in and outside the Classroom.

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